Double Dactyls

Spectator Competition No. 3026: double dactyl
You are invited to submit a topical double dactyl. 

Drinking Problem

Nobody-joebody
George Papadopoulos,
"Fetcher of coffee" the
Trumpists have said,

Incontrovertibly
Met with the Russians, so
Maybe Trump sent him for
Vodka instead.

Spectator Competition No. 3072: brief lives
You are invited to write a short biography of a famous figure, past or present, in verse of up to 16 lines.

St. Francis of a CV

Quirkily-workily
Jorge Bergolio,
On a career path with
Quite a steep slope,

Unostentatiously
Worked as a janitor,
Then as a bouncer, and
Then as the Pope.