(Penelope's suitors) would find death was quick and marriage a painful matter.

    –The Odyssey, trans. Richmond Lattimore (Book IV, line 346) 

Great Homer! Bard who'll live forever!

Forgive, I beg, a skeptic's view,

Not of Odysseus, the clever,

But of the suitors whom he slew.

They learnt the pain of marriage? Poo!

Their talk of it was foolish chatter,

Though I admit it's very true

That marriage is a painful matter.

It isn't from the sword, however,

We learn this lesson, but the stew

Of feelings mucking the endeavor,

The ones we wrestle with, renew,

Indulge, keep hidden, misconstrue...

It's egos, not just bones that shatter.

Take Menalaus: Now, he knew

That marriage is a painful matter.

It's not I crave that someone sever

My head, but truly, when we woo

We've no idea whatsoever

Of what we're doing, not a clue.

Mere suitors, husbands; twixt the two

There's no comparison: the latter

Have far the greater right to rue

That marriage is a painful matter.

Envoi

Prince, don't misunderstand me. You

Know well how varied is life's platter.

I dearly love my wife. I do.

But marriage is a painful matter.

first published in Light Quarterly